Tough isn’t it? I know that you want to be supportive, but like many of the other difficult times in life, you’re probably not sure what to say or do. Even if you have been through job loss yourself, each person’s experience is different. While there is no one right thing, here are some alternatives that may give you more tools to be as helpful and supportive as possible.
Don’t say:
It’s just a job. You’ll get another. Job loss has been consistently identified as one of the top three life stresses we encounter.
I know how you feel. You don’t.
How many resumes have you sent out? Contrary to popular belief, sending out zillions of resumes is not productive.
Got a job yet? Many people say that this is their least favorite question, the one that keeps them from going to parties, or any other event where they may get asked that question multiple times. One said “If I had a job, don’t you think I would have told you? It puts me in the position of having to “admit my failure-to-date” many times.”
Okay, so what should you say?
How can I help?
I believe in you and am confident that you will find a good job.
Please let me know what you need and I will do my best to help you.
Yes, it can be that simple. There are so many ways to help. Reviewing a resume, introducing her to a business contact, taking him to a business or networking event, listening to him talk about his search and offering constructive suggestions or ideas, or just being there to offer support on those bad days and celebrating on the good ones.
And finally, don’t shy away from people who have lost their jobs. It’s not a disease. You won’t catch it. Although it can be uncomfortable, and you will likely feel helpless, this is one of those times when you are needed the most. It is normal for those who have lost jobs to lack confidence, feel like a failure, and believe their situation is hopeless. Don’t add the loss of friendship or support to their pain.
(Todd is an SMP (Social Media Pal) of mine. We met on LinkedIn, then on a recent trip to Pittsburgh, and I noticed how “Career Happy” he is. Take it away, Todd! )
“The other day while speaking with some friends I realized that in July 2010 I will have been in my current job for 10 years. I’ve always been a risk taker, and also one who has lived 39 years and never made a career or employment decision based on salary (except once, more on this later). I’m fortunate; I’ve loved aspects of every job that I’ve had except the one that I took purely for financial reasons. I’ve applied the following career rules to help me achieve career success and happiness:
Self knowledge is essential, as is being true to yourself
Take an active and genuine interest in others
Make/ seek out opportunities to expand your horizons
Figure out your “gift”
Feedback and constructive criticism can be difficult to hear. However, no one is perfect and everyone should consider themselves a work in progress. Early in my career I learned that it’s imperative to be open to receiving feedback, as well as proactive in asking for it. At a certain point in your career (if you become a shareholder, owner, etc) you might stop receiving feedback in the traditional sense of the word. Individuals that don’t take the time to listen to this feedback and understand how their actions, words, body language and actions affect others risk compromising their effectiveness. Additionally, behavioral assessments such as the DISC Profile (or others) can be invaluable in better understanding who you are. Seek out opportunities to gain feedback, learn from behavioral and strengths assessments, and listen to what those around you have to say.
I’m a Principal with McCrory & McDowell and spend my day working with our nonprofit management consulting division (Dewey & Kaye) where I lead our executive search and transition management practice. That’s all nice and fancy, titles and all. Basically, I work with community-based nonprofit organizations facing a leadership transition at the CEO level in their organization. In my role I have the pleasure of interfacing with unemployed job seekers, underemployed individuals, employed superstars, board members, foundation executives, community leaders, program officers and staff at all levels in nonprofit organizations. During every interaction I have the opportunity to convey a positive message, tone and attitude, or be utterly mediocre or downright nasty. The choice is mine, and only mine. Early in my career as a tour manager in the music business someone told me “it’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.” Those words have stuck with me forever and guide my daily activities. Give generously, take an interest in others, and you’ll get back tenfold. Be genuine, be sincere.
While I was working to expand our practice I noticed that everyone was talking about issues related to the nonprofit sector, and primarily just the nonprofit sector. I needed to demonstrate aptitude and content knowledge in this field, but also wanted to differentiate myself and broaden my horizons. At that point I decided to start looking at how the best companies were providing this service in the private sector. I went to training. I subscribed to newsletters. I read books. I learned how the work I’m doing could be done better, faster, etc. I then brought all off this information back to my office and completely re-designed our nonprofit practice. It was at that point that we started to increase revenue, get more clients, and think differently about how we marketed ourselves. Get out of your silo and look around. Read Fast Company and other leading edge publications. Look in unlikely places and you’ll often find the best solutions to issues you are facing.
And finally, figure out your gift. We all have one. The lucky people have two or more. Earlier I mentioned that you should seek out feedback from others on a regular basis. This is related to that but more specific. This is related to what you do really well. People have always told me that I was a good networker, a connector, and someone that was engaging in conversations with others. Should it be any surprise that I’m now leading a search and consulting practice focused on organizational development and matching talent to organizations in need? It certainly isn’t to me. Find out what your gift is, and figure out where you have an opportunity to utilize that gift to benefit yourself, your employer, your community, or the globe. If you can get this right, the work days will seem shorter, and you’ll live longer and experience less stress.
Oh yeah, that one time when I made a career decision based on earning potential and didn’t listen to my heart and soul… I lasted 11 weeks. Sunday nights couldn’t last long enough, nor could lunch breaks during those 11 weeks. My relationships started to suffer and quite frankly I became a less interesting person. Don’t make this mistake if you can avoid it. I’m confident that if you read Julie’s book, listen to her sage advice, and follow some of the tips I’ve mentioned above, you too will soon be skipping to the shower… ”
So excited about all of our changes! Congruity Career Consulting is now The Bauke Group. Our goal? A Career Happy Nation…and we hope you will become a citizen! My definition of Career Happiness is this:
Doing what you are good at/ great at, that is also what you like or love to do, that someone will pay you to do in a place that you can be successful. Sounds easy, huh? Yes, it is wildly subjective and each of us has a very different definition. On top of that, you may have it all one day, but a new boss starts and all of a sudden, career happy is career wildly unhappy. That’s where most of us get stuck-we have no idea how to assess where we are, how we got there, or what to do next. So we decide to be career unhappy. Yeah I know, no one ever says ”I think I will be career unhappy!” But by not acting to change your situation, you really are making a decision aren’t you?
We define Career Happiness in three stages- looking to Define It, Get It or Own It. You probably fall into one of those three. We want to give you the tools, the knowledge and the kick in the seat of the pants when you need it to find your Career Happiness. Check out our new Facebook community at www.facebook.com/thebaukegroup.
We’re starting a Career Happy Revolution. Wanna join us?
Oooh! Don’t you love when people ask that? It’s not just for job interviews! In fact, you should always be prepared to answer that. You never know when your next great opportunity will come along and from whom. Pet peeve alert: I hate it when in answer to this question, someone says “What do you want to know?” The real question is always,
What do you want people to know about you?
How do you want to be known, professionally?
Tip: leave out the personal stuff. Stick with the “professional you”!
Do it! Think about it and write down the answer the question above.
Got your Answer? Now practice it on a friend…someone who knows the professional you really well, who can tell you what you need to add more of, and what you need to de-emphasize as well. And remember, your answer to this question will change as you and your goals and professional interests change. If you get a chance, ask a new contact about himself, then he will surely ask you about yourself. Try out your answer. Getting a puzzled look? Or does the conversation take off? That will tell you how clear you are being…or not!
Get used to the idea that you are in charge of your career. Not your mother, not your boss, not your spouse. Getting where you want to go MUST be driven by you. You can blame, point fingers, make excuses. How do you know if you are even in the mindset to get “there”? Try this. How do you answer the question “What do you do?”
“I work for (your company’s name)”
I am a Human Resources professional with a specialty in recruiting and selection of IT professionals.
Do you self-identify with your company (who pays you) or your profession/ skills ( what you get paid to do)? The right answer is B. This is not to say that saying who you work for is bad. It’s just not what you should start with.
Do It! Come up with your answer like B above and try it out in front of the mirror, or on a close friend.
If you’re in the job market and are thinking you should just put your search on hold until after the holidays, here’s a holiday tip for you… think again.
Even in a healthy economy, people in job search mode historically have determined on their own that there is little hiring activity during the holiday season, and so little to be gained by continuing their search. Statistically speaking, it is true that less actual hiring takes place in the month of December than in other months, but there is no truth to the belief that there is nothing to be gained during this time.
Here are several reasons why taking an extended holiday from your search is not a good idea, and why it makes good sense to keep your search alive:
Companies are not on hold, so why should you be? While business may slow down a bit in some organizations during the holiday season, many companies are in planning mode for the upcoming year, and hiring and staffing needs are a part of that planning. They may not be able to get a decision made or get the interview process completed, but you should want to be on somebody’s radar and even be top of mind as they make their plans and determine who will be a part of those plans in the upcoming year.
The pool just got a little less crowded. So if everyone else is putting their search on hold, your competitive pool has suddenly shrunk significantly and now you have a better opportunity to stand out and get through. If you wait until January you’re just re-entering the same crowded pool – everybody is going to be rushing to get back in the mix. This is actually about the only time of year companies are a little less flooded with job seekers, so it’s a great time to stand out by not taking yourself out.
Less busy-ness means more access. One of the reasons people put their search on hold during the holidays is they know business slows down and there’s not as much activity in organizations. Which is exactly the reason you should maintain your pace - people in business have more time to talk. Try to have as many informational conversations, if not actual interviews, as you can. The key to any successful search, at any time of the year, is making and leveraging contacts, and when things are slower those contacts may be more likely to sit down, have a cup of coffee and talk to you about what they do, what their organization does, and what opportunities may be out there for you.
Tis the season for giving. Believe it or not, people really want to help you. And during the holidays, most people have an even greater giving spirit and propensity to help others. Reach out to people you know to ask who they know who might help you, or if they know of any jobs or any companies you should know about. No doubt you will be in various social situations throughout the holidays where work or business will be a topic of conversation – use these opportunities to let people know what you’re looking for and what you do. People will be helpful, but you have to give them the opportunity to do so, and you have to help them help you. And don’t worry, you’ll find ways to give back to them at some point if you haven’t already. And think of it this way – you can be the solution to a company or individual’s need, so that’s giving someone a gift that keeps on giving.
Nobody’s going to miss you when you’re gone. Seriously… what is the upside to taking yourself off the market for an entire month or more? Even if everything you believe about things slowing down is true, is there anything at all to be gained by removing yourself from the radar? Finding the right job is often a happy accident, but the secret is to stay active and do the right things to put yourself in traffic where that accident can more likely occur. If you’re off the streets, no one is going to come looking for you.
You have an even better chance right now to stand out, get access to the right people, have conversations and benefit from people’s giving spirit, and in the process give yourself even greater opportunity to create or happen upon the right opportunity. So give yourself a gift by giving yourself a chance, and don’t just “wait until next year.”
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